Taken in Singapore by a friend. Apparently, somewhere in the slums. I’m flattered!

So, where were we…?

I had intended, many a blue moon ago, to tackle a crazy thought…write down the 30 best lessons learned, events had, moments remembered, whatever… by the time I turned 30. If you’ve been tuning in lately, you can see how well that turned out.

However, I’m challenging myself now to write more often. It’s what I love to do and what makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. To start…time to tackle that list…though possibly in a more condensed way. I’m not sure how it’ll turn out, or when, or anything really.  But, if I can get rolling on at least 10 or so, then that’s a start.  Let’s see how this goes (in no particular order)…

30. Learn to laugh: one of life’s greatest assets is the ability to laugh at yourself. We all go through shitty days, and the world constantly seems more bleak than it was the day before. Laughter is the best medicine…an adage I truly believe. Without it I don’t believe I would have made it through half the terrible things I’ve been through in life. Having a sense of humor is by far the greatest quality I could hope to find in another person.

29. Friendship: it’s incredible. Almost as incredible as laughter. Being able to laugh at oneself is important, even in the privacy of your own home. Multiply that laughter by the number of great friends you’re hanging out with? Unbelievable. I can’t count how many times I’ve leaned on my friends for support, for advice, for help with my car, troubleshooting a homework assignment, you name it. Through thick and thin, the worst times and the best, your true friends are the ones who always show up, and without them I’d be lost.

28. Family: if you can laugh with your family, and have family as some of your best friends, you’re set for life. Plain and simple. I’ve been blessed with an amazing family…from the ones I got to live with everyday for 15 years, to the extended 3rd cousins I see during the holidays…I love all of them. We all represent the best parts of one another, the heritage that binds us together. The ability to pick up right where we left off, to forgive and forget, to help carry the burdens and share the tragedies - it’s what makes a family a family - knowing that you’re never really alone.

27. Education: I’m incredibly grateful for my education. Being able to understand and experience so much of life’s simplest pleasures: a good book, an old painting, an informative lecture - and be able to appreciate it in the manner it was meant to is very important to me. I didn’t necessarily do what I had probably intended to do with my college education, but my overall education truly prepared me for the outside world, gave me an outlet to express myself, and gave me the experience I needed to help me see the world the way it was meant to be seen. The teachers I had throughout the years are still some of the greatest influences of my life…they taught me the things a good education requires, but they also taught me the important value of following your dreams and never giving up and working as hard as you can to achieve them.

26. Work: this one I could probably do without if I really wanted to, but given the choice I probably wouldn’t. From an early age I learned the value of hard work spending summers helping my dad on his Klosterman delivery route. Those experiences were valuable for many reasons, one of which was recognizing the importance of hard work. Everyone has a job to do, though some may have a harder time finding that job than others. But when you have it, embrace it. Work hard at it. Leave it better than when you found it. Don’t work for a paycheck; be proud of what you do so that the paycheck is just the icing on the cake. We all gripe about going to work, and there are days and weeks where it’s just not fun. That’s why they call it work. It gives us a purpose, it gives meaning to our lives. Embrace what you do for a living and make the best of it, if for nothing else than the fact that unlike so many today, you have a job to go to.

25. Expression: for me, expression is summed up by writing. For others it’s painting, or photography, or music, or stand up comedy. It can be the exercise clothes you wear, or the journal entry you keep, or the car you drive. Point is, don’t be afraid to express yourself. Even if you’re an introvert like me, being able to express a part of yourself to another person is huge. Beautiful, amazing things can come out of expression of the mind, heart and soul. Never be afraid to let people know who you are or what you feel.

24. Death: dying sucks. That’s about as concise as I can get with this topic. It sucks for those who are dying; it sucks for those who are losing a loved one. There are hardly any examples of joy rising from death, and that’s because someone, somewhere, is losing a friend or family member or pet or whatever. Death affects us each in different ways. Sometimes there are lessons to be learned, and sometimes we find ourselves so confused that we couldn’t possibly find an explanation for what just happened. In my life I’ve lost several people close to me, and the only constant that has come from it is the feeling of helplessness. Of not understanding how something like this had to happen…of not being given the opportunity to prevent it. Ultimately, it becomes a part of who you are. To live with as a memory until it’s your turn. Our only hope is to be able to meet our end at the time of our own choosing; to meet it with dignity and purpose; to leave behind a better legacy than we had come into. I am a better man for having known, loved and been loved by the people no longer with me; I wish I had been able to realize, understand, and tell them that while they were still alive.

23. Life: life can suck too. We can be so encapsulated by our own problems and issues that we forget the amazing things going on around us. We become blind to the importance of being alive, which is a shame because life truly is an amazing thing. I have my own feelings about the idea of bringing a child into the world today; but experiencing the joy and awesomeness of that moment is an undeniably incredible thing. Life can suck…but it can be awesome. All of the other 29 moments described in this essay make up just a small portion of a bigger picture: life. It’s in every single thing around us…every bad moment, every happy thought, every touch, every sound, every tear and every heartbeat. Life is what keeps us going, each of us striving to find our own meaning within it and making the absolute best of it that we can. One of my favorite quotes goes, “Everyone dies; but not everyone truly lives.” Make the most of it.

22. Dad: more and more I realize that I am my dad. In a different form, with different dreams and beliefs and thoughts; I’m still carrying on his legacy within me. I look at myself in the mirror and see his blue eyes smiling back at me. Not a day goes by still that I don’t think about him. I felt such anger and rage at his passing. I didn’t understand why someone so great would be taken away from his family at such a young age. I still don’t. It was an experience that shaped me in new and unseen ways I could have never imagined. I wish that he were now, helping me through the problems I have, helping to steer me in the right direction, helping me to keep focused and keep it together. I wish that I had gotten to know him better, and that he had been able to know me as I am today. And I hope that I can one day be as great a father as he was to me.

21. Sister: having a sibling is one of the greatest and hardest things to experience in life. My sister and I fought like our lives depended on it. We despised each other in that familial loving way only siblings can. I hated her for being artistic and driven; she hated me for being smart and sarcastic. But we loved each other. We shared our secrets, we rolled our eyes at our parents together, we always had the other’s back when it was needed. Much like my dad, I’ll never get over my sister passing away. I can only assume that I was somewhat better prepared for the gravity of the situation only because of my experiences of the past. No amount of experience can truly prepare you though. It can’t bring someone back to you. It can’t keep you from beating your fists into the carpet. It can’t stop you from puking your guts out to absolute exhaustion, leaving your body as a physical metaphor for the empty awful feeling you have in your heart. I should have been able to finish making dessert that Sunday evening. I should have been able to call my sister and brag about what a better job I did than her. We all have a love/hate relationship with our siblings…the idea here is to try and make it more love than hate. Remember that you are stronger together than you ever are alone. I wish I’d been able to tell her how much I hated her…but more importantly, how much I respected her, loved her and was proud of her for all the things she’d accomplished. 

20. Mom: I’m a mama’s boy, and proud of it. I can’t say enough great things about my mom. Aside from the great many annoyances she provides me on a regular basis (what mom doesn’t annoy their child), she’s also my greatest asset. She wiped my butt when I was a baby, and she still helps me out of jams as an adult. After my dad passed she guided my sister and I into adulthood all by herself, and she did a pretty good job of it. A parent will always be your biggest supporter, biggest fan, best critic and greatest listener. They want the best for you and will do whatever is necessary to make your dreams come true. My mom certainly embodies all of that for me. I can imagine the pain she went through during the shared experience of losing my dad and my sister, but I can’t imagine her viewpoint of it. We were both thrust into new and uncertain roles at those times, and could only do the best with what we were dealt…and my mom didn’t give up. For these reasons and many more, my mom will always be my hero. Now if she could just learn how to use technology without asking questions.


So…20-30…that was a start, right? More to come…

Bettie XL Lens, Alfred Infrared Film, No Flash, Taken with Hipstamatic

Taken with instagram

A cloudy Key West sunset (Taken with Instagram at Mallory Square)

Laughter is the best medicine, so they say. I’m not sure who the ‘they’ is in that scenario, ‘they’ have usually been right over the years.

I inherited many things from my parents and ancestors: height, poor eyesight, bad knees, eventual arthritis, blue eyes, killer smile. But one of my favorite things I’ve inherited is laughter - the ability to create it, enjoy it and cause it. It is one of my all time favorite sounds, no matter the person, and if you are one of those people with the ability to infect others with laughter, I will be your friend for life.

When my dad was alive, the household was always a place where you could expect a good laugh. Sure, a couple of surly teens going thru the pangs of adolescence doesnt always make for a rip-roaring good time. But, you would be hard-pressed to go a day without a good belly laugh when I was growing up.

Things certainly change, however, when a loved one dies. Something I’ve had to experience too many times. Initially, you forget how to laugh. It’s the furthest thing from your mind. You want to cry and hate and hurt and scream. Laugh? What an absurd thought. What a silly idea. How could it possibly be okay to laugh at a time like this?

Then, you remember how to laugh - slowly…but surely. You find yourself in a situation where the old you would have cracked up…and out comes this squeak…this hiccup of a sound emanating from somewhere unknown. It’s high-pitched and alien and at first you feel embarrassed that it came from you. You feel guilty at the realization that you just had an expression of delight; that you actually allowed your guard down enough to enjoy a little bit of life. You find that you hate yourself for being happy, but at the same time you hate yourself for taking so long to remember that it’s okay to be happy. And so the laughter starts to bring you back.

We laugh because we might be nervous about something, and just aren’t sure how else to show it. We laugh to relieve the tension in the room. We laugh because everyone else is, and even though we don’t get the joke we don’t want to feel left out. We laugh because we’re happy and relaxed. We laugh because our best friend just evoked a particularly funny inside joke. We laugh to heal the hurt of the present and the past, so that the future will be that much less painful, so that we may find a way to be that much stronger in the face of sadness to come.

The hardest part about laughing is to remember that it’s okay to do it (at the right time, of course). The human brain can only take so much, and in my lifetime I’ve found that a good laugh helps to free up some space. It sucks going through pain, or dullness, or a long crappy day. But being able to laugh at a memory, or a funny coworker, or a joke on tv, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Being in the company of a beautiful woman is great, but hearing her laugh only makes her 100 times more attractive.

I can safely say that through my life I have changed repeatedly; grown and evolved, and been shaped by the decisions, experiences and tragedies I’ve been dealt. But one thing that remains constant is the enjoyment I get out of making someone laugh, the feeling I get from laughing with them, and how much I look forward to getting that next dose of medicine.

Buckhorst H1 Lens, Cano Cafenol Film, No Flash, Taken with Hipstamatic

Lucifer VI Lens, BlacKeys B+W Film, No Flash, Taken with Hipstamatic